“I HATE BEING PREGNANT” -the phrase that went through my mind 24/7 during my first trimester. For 12 weeks straight, I was crippled with negative thoughts because I was going through so much physically. I didn’t understand why it had to be that hard to bring a baby into this world. I didn’t feel like a mother yet (though some women feel it right away), and so I didn’t understand the love that I feel for my baby now. Now, I am willing to go through a lot more than that for my boy. But back then, I had no idea what it meant to love another being so selflessly and so very deeply. I hadn’t felt him move yet, my tummy didn’t change in size and I didn’t feel any love for this blueberry sized human.
One of my very first symptoms was sensitivity to smell. You see, with pregnancy, a lot of (unlucky) women get superpowers, like the ability to smell things from miles away. I was of course one of them. My sense of smell was extremely heightened. I was able to smell EVERYTHING, and I don’t mean that in a good way. I literally had to lock myself up in the room furthest away from the kitchen because any smell of food and I would want to throw up. It wasn’t just sensitivity to food, but anything that has a smell really. I actually couldn’t stand to be anywhere near my poor husband. There was a smell to him that I could not stand! We were both so heartbroken 😦 but then we found the culprit! It wasn’t my guy (who has good hygiene, I promise 😛 ), but his beard oil! Crazy, right?!? He’s always used it and I never smelled it before until I got pregnant. We were thrilled to find out it wasn’t his smell I hated! Safe to say, he stopped using that oil and I could stand being near him again. (ps. after the first trimester, he made me smell the oil and I couldn’t smell it again! Alas, my superpower didn’t last too long and boy oh boy did that make me happy 😛 )
I suffered from loss of appetite. I couldn’t eat anything the whole day. All I had was water, juice and ginger ale. At night I would be able to have some fruits. That was it. My appetite was completely gone. I was worried at first, because I was growing a human after all. But the doctors confirmed that the baby doesn’t need much during those first few weeks so it wasn’t anything to worry about.
I also had morning sickness. Actually, I don’t know why they call it morning sickness because I felt sick the whole day. I was nauseous ALL THE TIME, for 12 weeks straight. I wouldn’t actually throw up, but the feeling just lingered. TMI I know, but wait till I get to labour and delivery 😛
Add tiredness on top of everything else and you had one very hormonal, short-temperated mommy to be on your hands. Alhamdulillah those days are behind me (for now anyways 😛 ). I was just happy about the fact that I had the whole summer off (perks of being a teacher, yay!). I went back home to my parents in Dubai. I didn’t have to wake up early, or do anything really. I had my entire family taking care of me. Alhamdulillah, the timing had worked out perfectly ❤
The first trimester was horrible for me. Just horrible. I wish I knew then what it feels like to hold your baby for the first time though. I was bitter and short-tempered. I was impatient. I wish I knew then that nights would come soon when I would hold the most precious thing to me, and cry because I feel so blessed to be his mommy. I didn’t know when this was going to end. I felt hopeless. And I wish I knew then that I’m willing to give away so much of myself to make sure my baby is ok. Don’t get me wrong, there’s certain challenges now too (and I’ll write about that later) but having a baby you can hold and that smiles back to you makes it more bearable. Motherhood is a crazy rollercoaster ride, y’all.